Five Times Finn Didn't Say It (And One Time He Did)
by Red Bess Rackham
Summary: [[[***SPOILERS FOR RISE OF SKYWALKER***]]] Rey wants to know what Finn was going to say in the sandpits, Finn is awkward, and Poe is 1000% done. Oneshot.


_A/n: Look this is what he was going to say and nobody can convince me otherwise. Ya don't get to look at Rey the way Finn does for three movies and tell me that's not what he was going to say. And the way they hug is _everything_. ;)_

* * *

**Five Times Finn Couldn't Say It (And One Time He Did)**

**1.**

In the aftermath, they end up in Poe's room, sharing drinks and talking themselves hoarse. Rose had slipped off to bed a couple hours ago, and Poe is snoring on the floor beside the bed. Finn's voice is as scratchy as Rey's, but they keep swapping stories and thoughts, sharing the bed like two kids sharing secrets. Finally dawn starts to cast blue hues on the wall and their eyelids droop closed.

Rey's thoughts swirl through the intensity of the past few days.

"Finn?"

"Hmm?" It's barely a conscious grunt.

"I forgot to ask you…when we were in the sand…" She loses the thread for a moment, sleep trying to take her quickly.

Finn's sigh is deep and exhausted. "I'll tell you in the morning."

"Okay."

* * *

**2.**

Missions resume the next day. The war at large is over, and though the largest threats are gone—Kylo, Hux, Palpatine, and the Final Order—factions of the First Order refuse to lay down arms. The Resistance heads out in groups to shut them down.

"Clean up mission on Attera Alpha," says Poe. He gestures to Rey, who's wolfing down breakfast and trying not to feel the hangover she knows is coming. "You in?"

She nods, swallowing down a mouthful of eggs. Some part of her says she needs to take it easy today, to process what she went through, everything with Ben…but it's easier to distract herself with a new mission. There'll be time for grief later.

Finn sets his plate down beside her.

"You too, right?" says Poe, but he's already walking away before Finn answers.

Finn snorts. "Okay, so what did I just get roped into?"

"There's a squadron of First Order soldiers trying to hole up on Attera Alpha." She takes a sip of juice and remembers their conversation from the night before. "Oh, and what were you going to tell me?"

"Ah…um…" Finn gets up off the bench as fast as he sat down. "I don't think there's time for that. I better get my stuff together if I'm going on a mission."

"Finn, you didn't even eat—"

"I'll eat on the ship!" He hurries away from the table, nearly knocking C3PO over in his haste to get out of the mess hall.

3PO titters and fusses, and Rey watches Finn's back disappear out the door. He should know that the more he doesn't want to tell her, the more she wants to know. She's not going to let this go any time soon.

* * *

**3.**

Rey has taken Rose's speeder apart to find out why it keeps belching smoke every time they start it up—she's pretty sure it has something to do with the main power coupling misfiring and causing a little chain reaction, but she's also found some blaster holes and fuel leakage from the last ground skirmish with First Order stragglers, so that certainly isn't helping the matter. She's elbow deep in machine parts in one of the main hangars, and a few other mechanics and personnel are working on repairs of their own.

Poe strides over to her and crosses his arms over his chest. She has the distinct feeling she's in trouble for something, though she has no idea what.

"I didn't start it," she says. Alright, so maybe she has _some _idea. But the cayenne powder is his fresher was Rose's idea and Poe _definitely _started the prank war that has sprung up between him and Rey the past month. She bites back a smile when she realizes there is a distinct spicy smell coming off of Poe.

"You definitely did, but that's not why I'm here. You gotta talk to Finn."

"About what?"

Poe's sigh is the level of aggravated she usually associates with him imagining she's mishandled BB8 in some way. "I am this close to locking you two in a storage compartment."

Rey frowns.

"Look, as his friend, I can't speak for him, but please just put him out of his misery. Because as his roommate, I can't take it anymore."

Rey blinks at him. "Take _what?" _

"Just, talk to him, okay?"

Rey throws her hands up. "I keep _trying_—he's the one who won't talk to _me_."

"Try again." Poe turns to leave and shoots her one last _Look_, gesturing over his shoulder at Finn, who's standing at one of the workbenches fiddling with some engine parts.

Rey huffs and pushes past Poe. As if this hasn't been driving her mad for weeks as well—she can't fathom what would be _so _huge or awful that Finn won't say it. She's done her best to be patient; she's tried catching him off-guard, she's tried insisting he tell her once and for all, she's tried gentle persuasion, making him talk to Rose instead (Rose got nothing out of him either), and she's even tried letting it go (she can't).

She's starting to wonder if it's going to take another near-death experience for him to finally spit it out.

She stops beside Finn. "You have to stop being miserable and talk to me."

Finn fumbles the wrench and it clatters onto the table. "I'm miserable? I'm not miserable. Who said I was miserable?"

"General's orders," says Rey.

Finn glares across the work room at Poe, leaning too innocently against the doorframe and looking pointedly away from the pair of them.

"I already apologized to him about the blaster thing—"

"This isn't about—wait, what blaster thing?"

"And he keeps saying that all's forgiven, and then he goes and puts cayenne in the fresher."

Rey smothers a giggle.

"I'm not miserable." Finn scoops up the wrench, but the uneasiness in his eyes gives him away.

Rey catches his hand. "Finn, please—it's me. Whatever you need to say, whatever_… I _did or you did or what happened or… It was big enough for you to try to tell me when we were certainly dying, and I'd rather…well, I'd rather hear it when we're not…being sucked into a terrifying sand pit."

Finn chuckles, but he still looks unhappy.

"At least tell me about this apparent blaster incident?" she tries, hoping for a smile, but Finn still can't quite meet her eyes. She hates that his secret has put a divide between them, and she's desperate to cross it.

Rey adds, "And I'm sorry about the cayenne." She wrinkles her nose.

"That was _you?" _Finn finally looks up in surprise.

"It was meant for Poe," Rey laughs. "He definitely got some of it, but sounds like he left the rest for you."

Finn shakes his head. "I'm going to need a new roommate while you two work this out. It's too dangerous to be around either of you."

"Why, what is he planning next?"

"No, no, no way—I'm already too much in the middle of this." He lets go of her hand to back up, palms out. "I refuse to take sides!"

Rey advances, grinning. "Finn, tell me what he's going to do—I'll get it out of you one way or another."

"Okay, okay." Finn slumps in defeat. "He's—"

Finn bolts, hopping over a work droid and nearly knocking Beaumont over. Rey blinks in surprise.

"Oy, watch it!" Beaumont hollers.

Rey laughs, and lets him run, though her amusement sours when she realizes that's twice now that Finn has literally _run _from a conversation with her.

"Are you kidding _me?!" _Poe shouts, and storms after Finn.

Rey swallows and wanders back to Rose's broken speeder. She doesn't know how to reach her best friend when he won't let her.

* * *

**4.**

There's a couple more weeks of missions and clean-up that blur like the stars in hyperspeed. Eventually, things start to settle down and peter out. The galaxy is in a state of rebuilding now, and as fast as it all moved before, things slow down. Some of the Resistance soldiers depart the base on Ajan Kloss, heading back to homeworlds and families far away. Rey isn't very sure where things go from here, but for now, she fixes ships and tracks down lingering pockets of First Order aggressors; she is more free than she has ever been in her entire life.

Rey finds Finn on the _Falcon_, watching stars twinkle in a map projector. She can sense sadness and fear surrounding him.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Finn's quiet for a moment, still holding things back from her, but finally, finally he lets some of it out.

"I don't know what happens next," he murmurs.

Rey opens her mouth to assure him but doesn't know what to say. She can tell this has been eating at him for ages, and wishes he'd confided in her sooner.

She hasn't really thought about _next_—it's been a long time before she really could consider a _next_. There was trying to just make it to the next day. There was trying not to die at the hands of the First Order, or Kylo, or Palpatine, and there was the desperate need to see the Resistance come out on top, to fight for good—for the light to shine through and win, for herself and for the galaxy.

If she was really being honest, she didn't really think there'd _be _a next for her—especially not when she touched down on Exogal. She needed everyone _else _to survive—it didn't matter what happened to her.

She never dreamed _any _of this was possible, anyway. She just tried to stop a jacket thief, once upon a time.

Rey smiles and takes Finn's hand. "We could go back to Jakku."

Finn laughs, loud and warm, and it fills her chest with sunshine. It's been a long time since he laughed like that. The sadness and fear melt off of him at her touch.

"Why does everyone always want to go back to Jakku?" he murmurs. For a moment, he meets her eyes and she thinks he's going to kiss her. Her heart trips and flutters, but then he points to the sparkling dots the map reader is projecting. "There's a trillion other planets out there, and I've already been to Jakku enough to last me a long while."

"Pick one then," says Rey. "We'll go together."

"What about that one?"

She doesn't take her eyes off him. "Looks perfect."

* * *

**5.**

Rey is cross-legged on her bed, reading on her holopad, when Finn stumbles into her room like he's been pushed.

"Rey!" he says, like he's surprised to see her.

"Finn—are you okay? Did something happen?" It's been two months since the Battle of Exogal and she can't help feeling a gut punch of dread that something new and terrible will be thrown their way again. _The war is over_, she reminds herself.

Finn swipes his hand over his sweaty forehead. "No, I'm okay. Okay, here it is. Rey… okay. Here it comes. Rey…"

She stares.

"Rey."

"Yes?"

"Rey…"

"_Yes_…"

"Okay, Rey, here's the thing…here's…okay."

"_Finn_."

"Right. Okay." He takes a deep breath and holds it, his chest puffed up, hands clenched together at his ribs, and for a second she thinks he's frozen and forgotten how to exhale. His mouth hangs open.

"I need to tell you—I—"

Finn deflates like a pin-pricked balloon.

"I think I have—I can feel the Force."

Rey hops off her bed, a shock of excitement going through her. "Really?"

"Yeah, I...yeah." Finn swallows, looking bashful. "I wanted to tell you, but I didn't…know how, and it's kinda your thing, and I—well, then all the Kylo/Ben…stuff, and I, um…"

"Finn, that's amazing!" Rey grins. "How do you know? How did you find out?"

"I, um…I can feel it? I could feel…you. I could feel your conflict and…when you were hurt…"

Rey nods. It's an impossible thing to put into words, and she knows that better than anyone. Feeling others through the Force—their presence or strong emotions—is one of the easiest and most tangible parts of the Force, according to Leia. It's how Leia herself knew she had the ability to tap into it, too, many years ago, when she found she could feel Luke.

"This is wonderful," Rey says, pulling Finn into a quick hug. She can't help imagining doing her training routines with Finn at her side—she could teach him the things Leia taught her, and they could make a lightsaber for him together. To have someone else on the base, someone she's close to, to share this ability and journey feels monumental in a way few things have in a long time.

Finn wraps his arms around her and holds her. Rey clings to the precious feeling of safety of warmth that envelopes her when Finn hugs her.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" she murmurs.

"I didn't know how to," Finn replies. He lets her go and steps back a little. "And after everything you went through with Kylo…Ben…I know you, you know, loved him, and I don't know the Force—I'm not a Jedi like you…you guys…"

Rey's cheeks warm. _A Jedi like you_.

"I don't know what Ben and I were," Rey admits.

It's hard to say out loud; it's still hard to process.

"I always felt such a war inside him, felt Han and Leia's compassion and kindness, and so much anger and hatred, fear and confusion…" Rey shakes her head. "I don't know why we were connected. I wanted to save him, I wanted to kill him, I—I hated that were entwined in the Force but I think…I think I needed him, too. That wasn't…love, but I don't know what it was instead."

Rey doesn't know if she'll ever be able to truly understand what she and Ben were, really—something tangled and dichotic and impossible. But she knows she saved him and he saved her, and perhaps someday she'll understand their place in the galaxy and in history.

"I didn't want to be in the way," says Finn quietly. "I just wanted you to be safe."

Rey grasps his shoulders. "You are my best friend—you are _never _in the way. I wouldn't be here, now, without you."

His eyes glitter and he whispers, "Me too."

* * *

**+1.**

After this long with the Resistance, Rey knows "one last mission" is always code for "Bantha shit will hit the fan." She doesn't know if the universe likes messing with people or what, but whenever someone announces they're going on "one last mission", everything goes absolutely off the rails.

She's going to blame Poe for this one. He said it, not her—although she and Finn were included in the team going on this supposed last mission. One last base to infiltrate, one last army of First Order stragglers to defeat.

Last she'd seen of Poe, he'd been overpowered by a group of banged-up stormtroopers. That was a moment before she'd been clubbed in the head. Now, she wakes up inside a trash compactor with her hands cuffed behind her back, Finn yelling to be heard over the roar of the slowly closing walls.

"Rey! Rey, wake up! _Rey!" _

She groans, blinking the fog from her brain. Everything hurts and everything smells and she's going to kill Poe if they make it out of this.

"Rey, thank goodness. We gotta get out of here."

He's cuffed as well, she realizes as she sits up, and tries not to throw up. They're up to their waist in foul garbage, and their weapons are, not surprisingly, nowhere in sight. The walls trudge and grind.

Finn struggles on his knees closer to her. "Rey, can you get at my cuffs?"

Rey tries to reach for the Force to pop her own cuffs open, but her mind is pounding with pain and noise. She grits her teeth and tries to concentrate, to clear it out, but her head pulses and aches, and Finn keeps yelling, and the compactor is so damn _loud_.

"Are you okay?" Finn's knees touch hers under the grime. He glances over his shoulder at the walls, alarmingly close. "Can you slow it down?"

"I'm trying…" Rey breathes through her mouth, tries to steady herself. She switches from the cuffs to the walls, because the cuffs won't matter if the walls don't stop. She can feel the gears and tracks beyond the metal, the mechanics and electronics, and she pushes against it all, works to slow the progression. She can't hold it long, but it should give them time to get out of the cuffs and out the man door.

"Rey, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I never said it before—all this time—Rey…"

She snaps her eyes open.

"I love you," Finn blurts.

Rey's control on the walls evaporates. "Now? You picked _now_—"

"There's never a good time to say it!"

"You've had months! I've tried for _months_—"

"I know, I know—I wasn't ready!"

"But you're ready when we're getting sucked up in a sandpit or when we're about to be crushed to death—I _knew _this would happen!"

"I don't want to miss my chance! Wait, what do you mean you knew?"

"_Death _has to be involved for you to be _honest?" _

"Of course not! I didn't say—"

"You didn't say anything! I kept asking you and asking you—"

"I told you about the Force thing! That was a big deal! It's _still _a big deal."

Rey huffs. "Unless you're going to use it to get us out of this—"

"I thought that's what _you _were doing!"

"I _was _until you decided to tell me—"

"I'm sorry—but there's never a good time, there's always another mission, or another bad guy, and I can't be Poe and just _say _things and…"

Rey sucks in her breath and realizes the machine is clanking to a shuddering halt. She looks at Finn.

"You?" he asks.

"No…"

As soon as the grinding stops, the container is painfully quiet, with just Finn and Rey's heavy breathing. She chances a look at Finn, who has such a blender of emotion pouring off of him, it's giving her a headache on top of her headache.

"Why didn't you say so before?" she mumbles.

"I didn't know how," Finn says softly.

Rey can't decide if she'd rather shove him into the garbage or kiss him senseless. She doesn't have a chance to do either, as the man door swings open. Poe is banged up and bruised, his clothes are charred, but he doesn't look otherwise injured as he surveys the pair of them.

"Everybody alive in here?" he asks.

"He loves me," Rey blurts.

Finn stutters and coughs, but Poe just nods. "About damn time. Let's go."

By the time they make it back to the Falcon, the Resistance has the base well in hand. Rey and Finn are banished to the back of the ship until they can get a fresh change of clothes, and they sit together, holding hands all the way back to Ajan Kloss.

Rey lifts her head off Finn's shoulder. "Don't wait until we're about to die to tell me anything important again—deal?"

Finn gives her hand a squeeze. "Deal."

Rey smiles and brushes her lips against his. Finn kisses her back and then rests his forehead against hers.

"By the way," she whispers, "I love you, too."

**-end-**

* * *

_A/n: Obviously I wanted to do an ILY/I know echo, but I also feel like that's Han and Leia's Thing, and doesn't quite fit these two as well, so I didn't. But these two are each other's anchors and their everything, and I will go down this ship all day long. Thank you for reading! :)_


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